I remember hearing in the early spring, “it’s going to be a fun spring and summer!” When I heard I thought, no it won’t! What fun can there possibly be in spring and summer. The weather is hot I won’t be able to get outside. And so it goes, you hear my self talk. The one who spoke those words came from a new relationship in my life, and he was referring to our future. My frame of reference was I can never have any fun, my life is suffering. I knew when I heard it, the Lord was about to readjust that frame of reference. That is exactly what He did!
It started with minuscule shifts in my thinking patterns, the Lord began calling attention to the imaginings of doom in the future. All based in people not loving me enough to be there for me. Of course we can always find evidence of that. The Lord would stop me in my tracks, and tell me to live in the present. Stop looking for ways they are failing you, and consider they have a life that is constantly interrupting them. Accept the past for what it is and how it shaped these thinking patterns and refuse them. What is happening now is I’m having fun! Evenings are spent eating luscious meals, drinking wine and sitting on the porch making new and fun memories. My grandchildren are having so many fun adventures and they love sharing them with me.
My days are full of writing and talking to the Lord and listening to the way the Trinity loves each other and using it as a model for my relationships. I can’t control the outcome of anyone else’s life, I can only meet them where they are. I go on long walks, sleep late and create beauty around me. Friendships are forming and true rest is coming into my soul.
This summer found me settling Mom’s estate after her passing in the spring. This summer found me in this loving relationship where, we, in this new relationship, traveled some rough ground death and transition. It looks like we are doing it with a grace that can only be found in having mutual respect for each other.
This summer found me walking out of my codependency way of being. The Lord began this work back about four years ago. He broke a very toxic relationship with my mother, by not allowing me to go to her and try to make her life ok so my life would be ok. He started it and He is taking every piece of this dysfunctional way of doing relationship out of me. I love me without this baggage. I am learning distance and respect in relationship. What a gift this summer has been.
The line from James Hurst's short story "The Scarlet Ibis" describes the transitional period between the end of summer and the beginning of fall, a time of stagnation and quiet before the arrival of autumn's full change.
“It was in the clove of seasons, summer was dead but autumn had not yet been born yet"….
I am in the in between the very end of summer, days are shifting slowly, the days are shortening and the weather cooling. That stagnation and quiet is here and forces me to reflect. I am in the clove and I am here to say this summer has a beautiful story, one of great healing, great shifts in the landscape of relationships and a hope implanted, the hope that each minute of life is full of promise that my eyes will be open to see it. Thank you Lord for this summer.
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