Father’s Love
- Jo Perkins
- Aug 23, 2025
- 13 min read
Updated: Oct 28, 2025
How many of you would say you know Father God loves you? Most of us would raise our hand and say, yes intellectually I know Papa loves me. Can you point to the experience that you had with Papa where you were engulfed in His love as He and You had that moment that changes your orientation in life forever. Please be honest and raise your hand if you have had that moment. Yes, I am speaking to the right crowd here. I present to you that there are some of us who have had difficulty experiencing Father’s love. Yet, we know the truth about Father, He is not withholding himself from us, so it has to be us. I really wish sincerity would solve all of our issues, but unfortunately it doesn’t. My mentor/teacher has hanging in her office this quote: “Keep discovering God, because sincerity is not enough!”
Even if you search the scriptures to find how the Father planned our birth, knitted us in the womb and how our identity comes from Him even before the foundations of the world. He intended for us to know our identity. God knew you, chose you, and ordained you for His purposes before you were formed in your mother’s womb. If your identity is grounded in anything of this world you are on shaky ground. You are His joy, His, plan and His mission, and nothing can snatch you from His hand.
Of Jeremiah the Lord says:
Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you;
Before you were born, I sanctified you;
I ordained you a prophet to the nations.
Jeremiah 1:5
If God’s intention is for us to be born into a relational unit, with mother, father, and baby, then what happens when babies don’t attach to their mother’s and father’s. God intended this deep emotional bonding, this gluing together of mother and baby. So many studies have been done on the eye contact that happens between mothers and babies that enhances the bonding. As the generation that I live in comes to maturity we see the effects of this lack of bonding, for many reasons, some of the reason could just equate to the lack of breast-feeding mothers in the generation before me. None of this surprised the Lord, He knew we would be the generation that has spent a lifetime looking to be loved by our Father. The tools that were forged in the generation above us are not enough to get us passed the traumas of life especially those of us who struggled with attaching to families of origin.
Are we destined to go through life with no grid for love. Are we the generation that seeks isolation and is satisfied sitting on the back pew of a church service because we are so afraid of the discomfort that will be brought as we face our inability to love deeply.
Now consider the lack of attachment in our relationship to God. What impact does our detached life have on our ability to attach to God and experience God. We know that a lack of core-attachment to our provider causes us to attach to many sources that look like provision. Addiction is the replacement for healthy attachment. The lack of attachment from the womb sets us up for rejection, anxiety, stress and disease. It also determines the very lack of attachment we have to our heavenly Father which we desperately need. We then begin living lives dictated by trauma upon trauma. But God has a plan, and we need to take responsibility for our lives and move beyond sincerity to the places of getting to know our Lord. We need some tools in our toolbelt.
Taking responsibility looks initially like recognizing where we are in our lives. Are we recognizing trauma patterns in our lives, are we partnering with Holy Spirit to pinpoint the lies that got us to this place.
My story if told through the lenses of not what the enemy meant for destruction but through the lenses of God’s Father filtered life. After all these years of processing through my life and the junk that was given to me and then those around me blamed me for it, I can see what Father was intending for me all along. He knew their would-be attachment issues with both my mother and father, but what was His plan. He attached to me, and that attachment has carried me through a lifetime of pursuing Him. I can truly look around and say I know the devil meant to take me out through these obstacles and challenges but no one around me enjoyed the fellowship I have with the Lord. His favor has been upon me my whole life.
He knew I would compound trauma upon trauma, and hurt upon hurt, brain damage, learning disabilities and the never-ending relationship issues would be my life. He knew it and gave me the tools and is giving me the tools to heal and rescue a life lived in torment and fear. I am becoming a clinician in so many ways, and I am budding with books and projects to help those who like me have first a purpose and second a destiny that will live long after my death.
Of course, science can confirm that repeated trauma in childhood leads to learning difficulties and subsequent brain damage followed by heart and lung disease. All of which are my story. I have so many friends who grew up during the cold war in military families who have similar stories to mine. Love did not flow in those households; they were dominated by fear. The culture oozed fear, fear of a lack of money, fear of Russia, fear of Japan, fear of being Jewish, fear, fear, fear. I’m not saying I am the product of that culture and everyone in it had the same experiences. My family was exceptionally dysfunctional. I learned the system of dysfunction and the way they define love, is a love based on contract. Basically, my parents wanted us to keep quiet and do the work that was given to us without talking about it. If anything, outside of the family unit was experienced we didn’t talk about it, there was no comfort if we were hurt, or failed in some endeavor, or even if our friends experienced a tragedy we were not comforted.
My life did not work in my family of origin. I quickly made friends and found some human interaction there, although I approached that in the way I was taught, love was contractual, and attachments were never long lasting. I learned how to be military, and we moved every few years and that was fine with me. I was happy to let the old friendships go because I really didn’t know how to be relational. But what was the Lord’s plan in this complete brokenness in my family, it was just that, it doesn’t work. Is it not God’s plan for families to live in unity, trust and intimacy with the God of the universe directing us to our destiny. He implanted that dream deep within me through all of the pain and torment of being the one that rocks the boat, that doesn’t fit in, that no one will listen to, that’s deemed as the one who just doesn’t have what it takes.
That way of operating within a family system where the rules were defined and you interacted within that system, playing your part, and supporting the authority figures as you were taught was my life. As I left home and found friends and lovers, I tried to be a person who really cared about the individual and the life that God had given them. By this time, we were full into the drug and rock and roll era of the 1970’s. Our generation struggled with the dysfunction of our parents’ generation, but we did not have a clue how to be authentic real people. I suffered with trauma and anxiety and learning disabilities and medicated that with whatever was going around. With all that baggage I married trying to get away from the system of my parents, and that was such a failure, the enemy was eating my lunch at every turn.
Adding traumatic event upon traumatic event. My life continued that way until my second marriage and the birth of my first child. I can’t even tell you the traumas that happened between first and second marriages. I was beat up and the choices I was making reflected the place I was operating from. But even during all of those wrong decisions and I was not walking with the Lord and really didn’t know Him, but He was forging in me this want-to honor the individual and to not make relationships contractual. Of course, this big assignment from the Lord can only be done as we walk together for many years and trusting Him in the healing that He had to give me.
Can we talk about trauma and the demons that attach to rejection, self-pity, and shame/fear? How many of us look at the carnage of our lives and blame God? I know we all do it! There is an enemy who seeks to steal, kill and destroy us! But we pretend he doesn’t exist. We also never take responsibility for our own free will, nor the free will of other’s that we are in relationship with. We choose partners who don’t love Jesus and those who say they do but are so broken they cause the most damage- wonder why things look like a nuclear bomb went off. So even in the devastation of our choices and in the devastation of the things that come to us without us inviting them the Lord did walk with me as my heart was broken so many times. He never left me, and I finally began receiving His love.
Those who are motivated by the flesh only pursue what benefits themselves. But those who live by the impulses of the Holy Spirit are motivated to pursue spiritual realities.
Romans 8:5 TPT
We take responsibility for our lives and begin walking in authority in the areas where we allow the Lord to clean up and we renew our minds in those areas. What does that look like on Monday morning, as Arthur Burke would say? It looks like me walking away from a 40-year marriage that was destroying me. I walked away from the system I learned from my family of origin and repeated in my marriage. I now decide the boundaries I have in relationships, and how I spend my time. I partner with the Lord to take down those systems of dysfunction and I get rid of the demons who have for way too long controlled so much of my life. I am seeking community I refuse isolation. I take the mandates of my Lord seriously to make disciples of all nations. Have I faced all of the pain and been healed of all of the big strongholds? No, I still have more healing that needs to take place.
As we evaluate our ability to receive the Father’s love and where we are in our relationship with Him, let’s look at the real culprit in our lives. Many of us would say we are not the victims of trauma in our lives. We are not war veterans, nor have we witnessed a murder nor been the victim of a violent crime. But if we come from a lack of attachment as a baby, we seem to be a target for trauma as our worldview is developed void of trust and unconditional love. Our very sense of identity and safety, as well as our relating patterns were built upon a foundation laid by trauma in the first place. So, we respond from a traumatized place all along and never realize it. What if the fears or anxieties you experience regularly don’t stem from personality or perceived weakness but from a root of trauma. The presence of trauma in our lives limits our ability to achieve a sense of peace and calm. It also carries with it a deep sense of shame, helplessness, and torment.
Trauma can come from any kind of violation. Trauma can be present with any abuse, neglect, or the very often overlooked condition of simply not being loved well. Trauma can take place from any type of bullying or humiliation. Name calling and abusive actions by those in authority, all designed to humiliate. Some of the name calling had sexual connotations and for me being a teenager when he called me those names, made me think since a person of authority calls you those names that must be your identity. Humiliation coupled with a lack of love is the soil for trauma.
Trauma survivors have common responses to life. Because most trauma survivors are not familiar with how trauma affects people, they often have trouble understanding what is happening to them. I lived years and years in this confusion and really unable to do like. They may think the trauma is their fault, that they are going crazy, or that there is something wrong with them because other people who experienced the trauma don’t appear to have the same problems. Survivors may turn to drugs or alcohol to make themselves feel better. They may turn away from friends and family who don’t seem to understand. They may not know what to do to get better. Many survivors live with the very people who inflict the trauma, so it is reoccurring, trauma upon trauma. For me it was a lifetime of this. My pastor from Texas use to say, “ you don’t know the home you were raised in is broken”! You think just the opposite, that your parents are normal and you must be the one that is somehow flawed. This is especially compounded in homes where you are the scapegoat and gaslit. The fact that I’m not completely crazy is because of the Lord, He interprets reality for me.
Trauma survivors fight with triggered responses. Added to the confusion of being gaslit and scapegoated as the lense of my identity, I also had these triggered responses going on. These triggered responses comes through the senses, as we might smell or hear or see something that brings the trauma event back to life. If we can identify what is happening to us, for me that is a big if…we can learn techniques to help ourselves. Many of us live in constant states of trigger governed by anxiety and panic and think this life is normal. What I don’t want to do today is define all the ways the enemy has targeted us and left us for dead. Trauma identification and the Father’s love are the meeting place for healing. My own life I have walked through not only the identification of how I received the trauma but also the healing and deliverance from it through my relationship with Holy Spirit. He unravels mysteries and connects dots which then defines systems and patterns of behavior that I have stepped away from to align my life with my King.
This life is real and trauma survivors need to know that:
Traumas happen to many competent, healthy, strong, good people. No one can completely protect him- or herself from traumatic experiences.
Many people have long-lasting problems following exposure to trauma.
People who react to traumas are not going crazy. They are experiencing symptoms and problems that are connected with having been in a traumatic situation.
Having symptoms after a traumatic event is not a sign of personal weakness.
When a person understands trauma symptoms better, he or she can become less fearful of them and better able to manage them.
By recognizing the effects of trauma and knowing more about symptoms, a person is better able to address the spiritual roots and how to displace the lies of the enemy with the truth of God’s word.
Unfortunately after the trauma we don’t just heal and forget what happens. This is so important to understand, we live in a constant state for fear and anxiety. As we experience more and more trauma, we can expect the following life style:
Upsetting memories such as images or thoughts about the trauma
Feeling as if the trauma is happening again (flashbacks)
Bad dreams and nightmares
Getting upset when reminded about the trauma (by something the person sees, hears, feels, smells, or tastes)
Anxiety or fear, feeling in danger again.
Anger or aggressive feelings and feeling the need to defend oneself.
Trouble controlling emotions because reminders lead to sudden anxiety, anger, or upset.
Trouble concentrating or thinking clearly.
People also can have physical reactions to trauma reminders such as:
Trouble falling or staying asleep.
Feeling agitated and constantly on the lookout for danger
Getting very startled by loud noises or something or someone coming up on you from behind when you don't expect it.
Feeling shaky and sweaty
Having your heart pound or having trouble breathing
Because trauma survivors have these upsetting feelings when they feel stress or are reminded of their trauma, they often act as if they are in danger again. They might get overly concerned about staying safe in situations that are not truly dangerous. For example, a person living in a safe neighborhood might still feel that he has to have an alarm system, double locks on the door, a locked fence, white sticks jammed under the door handle. Because traumatized people often feel like they are in danger even when they are not, they may be overly aggressive and lash out to protect themselves when there is no need. Or, a person who has lived a lifetime of dysfunctionality will attack covertly, with a passive aggressive approach. Re-experiencing symptoms are a sign that the body and mind are actively struggling to cope with the traumatic experience. These symptoms are automatic, learned responses to trauma reminders. The trauma has become associated with many things so that when the person experiences these things, he or she is reminded of the trauma and feels that he or she is in danger again. It is also possible that re-experiencing symptoms are a part of the mind’s attempt to make sense of what has happened.
Avoidance Symptoms:
Because thinking about the trauma and feeling as if you are in danger is upsetting, people who have been through traumas often try to avoid reminders of the trauma. Sometimes survivors are aware that they are avoiding reminders, but other times survivors do not realize that their behavior is motivated by the need to avoid reminders of the trauma.
Ways of avoiding thoughts, feelings, and sensations associated with the trauma can include:
Actively avoiding trauma-related thoughts and memories
Avoiding conversations and staying away from places, activities, or people that might remind you of the trauma.
Trouble remembering important parts of what happened during the trauma.
Shutting down emotionally or feeling emotionally numb
Trouble having loving feelings or feeling any strong emotions.
Finding that things around you seem strange or unreal.
Feeling strange
Feeling disconnected from the world around you and things that happen to you.
Avoiding situations that might make you have a strong emotional reaction.
Feeling weird physical sensations
Feeling physically numb
Not feeling pain or other sensations
Losing interest in things you used to enjoy doing.
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