One of the biggest moments in my healing journey happened while I was still in Texas(my safe place). I got up during the night and went into the kitchen for water or something. I found myself tip toeing. The Lord asked why are you tip toeing? Don’t you love His great life changing super impactful questions? He takes one small innocuous thread in your life and weaves it throughout your healing journey. Day after day in His Presence, I ask Him, “are you getting tired of this healing journey yet?” We have gone so deep and wide in this journey, and most times I feel gutted and exposed. As I came to know Him as my good Father, He began exposing the foundation of lies that I believed. This very innocent question, “why are you tip toeing” began the exposure of my carefully crafted system of behavior that I created as a child. The ABBA of Jesus began to disassemble this system layer upon layer. In His graciousness the Lord placed me in Texas with people who really loved me! In that safe place He began to expose these walls of self protection, these walls were never allowed to come down and she stayed in fight and flight mode constantly. The only rest came behind closed doors of isolation where complete control allowed for rest.
The Lord now is my resting place as He has built new systems of trust and hope. With the walls down healing is flowing to my emotions and my body. The resurrection has happened and this new creation, this Canaan is not a geographical location but the actual new creation that I am. She is a representation of hope and promises fulfilled. I heard in my Spirit yesterday the Lord rewriting my script when questions come, He gave me not only the answers but Has made me the fulfillment of the answers. I have always been the fulfillment of those answers but now I know that I am.
Blame, shame and guilt constructed those systems of behavior as a child. In some kind of twisted way that system provided comfort to me, I never knew comfort and in my isolation this was my only comfort. I was always responsible as the cause or the source of every problem I encountered. Even now I can see me smiling about it as though my self righteousness would give me the attention I craved. One of easiest ways to take control of a situation is to blame ourselves. Shame and guilt were my constant companions, I experienced shame as I believed that fundamentally I was unloveable with something inherently wrong about me. I blamed myself for the things I did wrong, the mistakes I made and the mistakes others made. You can imagine the shame I carried for the mistakes my children made growing up and for my alcoholic husband. I took the role of victim because I had no defense. Even I drew sides against myself.
How easy is is it to receive the healing for all of these lies and then to treasure and to hold all of the words the Lord has given me. It is very easy because every revelation I have received from the Lord actually changes me from the inside, this is the definition of transformation. We were born anew when He was raised from the dead! [1 Peter 1:3]. Do not allow current religious tradition to mold you into a pattern of reasoning. Like an inspired artist, give attention to the detail of God’s desire to find expression in you. Become acquainted with perfection. To accommodate yourself to the delight and good pleasure of Him will transform your thoughts afresh from within. [Romans 12:2] Mirror translation. I live consistent with who I am, inspired by the loving kindness of God! Romans [12:1]
I have made Holy Spirit my best friend and now I want to be a best friend to Him! My youngest grandson Wilkes says, Jing Jing( my grandchildren named me mostly due to the sound of the phone ringing when FaceTiming) you are my best friend! This season of young grandchildren has brought this unconditional love that they have for me to mirror what the Lord thinks of me! It is so sweet, they prefer me, they love to sit in my lap and be kissed and to receive the whispers of how much I love them! I prefer Holy Spirit to be in His lap and to receive His whispers of love to me. His presence is altering me on the inside in ways unnoticed by me until I am presented with situations in which my response is not me. It leaves me with who was that? Wow, that was so cool! Even when the grandchildren are spending the night I am not tip toeing around, so what if they wake up! They will go back to sleep, and in the between time I’ll get a few more minutes with them. I’m releasing control of my own protection. I didn’t even close my bedroom doors while they were here! It’s called freedom and only ABBA can save us!! Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom
Comments