Sometimes when your not sure where your going the Lord ask you a simple question, “where have you been?” As I sit in the midst of a shattered marriage of almost 40 years, and the absolute broken relationships with my family of origin, the path of my journey becomes clouded. I sit in the aloneness of the devastation and know that the Lord is healing me, but not without my knowing from what I am being healed of. The healing is full of pain, as is the actual wounding, and perhaps even worse is the part I played in the choices I made. But then I feel the Lord’s breath on my face, and I hear Him whisper, yes, to all of the pain, but where have you been on this journey and how and what did I do?
Psalm 46
The Lord lives! Praise be to my Rock!
Exalted be God my Savior!
47 He is the God who avenges me,
who subdues nations under me,
48 who saves me from my enemies.
You exalted me above my foes;
from a violent man you rescued me.
49 Therefore I will praise you, Lord, among the nations;
I will sing the praises of your name.
50 He gives his king great victories;
he shows unfailing love to his anointed,
to David and to his descendants forever.
Three stents were not enough for me to retire, certainly I could go back and finish my next five years of teaching, and then two weeks later I had three more stents. The school district quickly figured out a way for me to take early retirement. My husband at the time was completely shut down, if he protested my retirement in front of the HR lady at the district office what would people say? Truly, the Lord exalted me above my foes, and He has continued to exalt me above every foe! Six stents required rest and healing, and that is exactly what I did as I watched the Lord work out the details of the exact number of vacation days I could use to reach my 60th birthday, so I could legitimately take my retirement. Within six months of my early retirement the Lord began to tell me to go to ministry school in Texas! This decision catapulted me into an accelerated learning environment that came with a community of friends walking the same journey. All of the gifts of the spirit were heightened and the discerning of spirits probably functioned as a director more than anything else, as I was surrounded by hundreds of people younger than me by 30 years and from all walks of life. Exposure to many different kinds of spirits and brokenness was the learning environment, and the Lord even gave great wisdom in negotiating various situations.
About this same time the Lord gave me a judge who warred for me in a courtroom for full disability to go with my meager retirement. The judge not the lawyer fought for me in the courtroom, the lawyer was clueless and even as we walked out of the courtroom, he said to me, “you really blew any chance you had by not making your symptoms seem worse than they are!” I thought, were you not in the same courtroom with me?? Did you not see the judge fight the expert witnesses who said I could still work? The decision came through in the next few days, and not months as predicted, that I won full disability for a lifetime. He is my God who avenges me. He is the God of time and He goes before me and works circumstances out for my good and His glory. The God of time catapulted me into full time ministry. This was my learning time where He taught me how to partner with Holy Spirit for His kingdom growth. The Lord shows unfailing love to His anointed.
While in Texas the Lord introduced me to Kerry and Chiqui Wood who co-authored The ABBA Journey, which is a discipleship model that creates community around the table of fellowship. I was ordained out of this ministry and journeyed home stopping in the states the Lord called me to stop in to build the discipleship community. Small discipleship groups have been my community since leaving Texas. These groups have multiplied in Kentucky, Illinois, Massachusetts and Maine.
The ministry has been apostolic as the Lord gave me a map at first of where to go, and yet it has given me strength and the fortitude to align every part of my life with truth. The women that have been apart of these small discipleship groups have spoken truth into my life, a truth of love not dysfunction. The Lord has gifted me with tenacity and perseverance to keep about five groups going per week for four years, which has become the bedrock from which I have been able to align my life with truth and to require truth and love in every relationship. Many relationships could not withstand the fight for truth and they have fallen away. Great healing to my spirit is here now, and the perfect integration of body, soul and spirit is being realized as a wholeness never imaginable as I press into what the Lord has for this new season of just applying the fruit He has given me.
My God is to be extolled and He is the praise on my lips, for He subdues nations under me and avenges my enemies. I truly am blessed of the Lord. He is my Rock, my firm foundation. How different a life can be when the Lord ask you a simple question, “ Where have you been and where was I?” I can see now where I have been and where I am going! The beautiful journey.
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