When the King Smiles…

When the King smiles, there is life; his favor refreshes like a gentle rain. This verse in Proverbs 16 gave me the construct for the freedom I found myself basking in last night. This is all new to me so I am constantly wrestling with God over it! It feels foreign and without borders and religion has left the room. Ahh religion that structure that I lived in for so long, and its filthy rags covers me as a constant distraction from the Kings smile. But how familiar are those constructs of religion, we can be the best at convincing ourselves that we adhere to the principles and from that platform we can judge everyone. There is no room in the purity of a relationship with the King for religion, so everything familiar has left.

Again, enjoying time with this prince of a man the Lord has given me. Cooking outside on the grill mostly in a comfortable silence as a summer storm approaches, and I’m drawn to how warm my feet are. The rain has passed, and the puddles on the pavement(which encroaches far into my space lately, I’m longing for more earth around me), are enticing me. I promptly shed my shoes and search in the dark for the deepest puddle to fully immerse my feet in the cool water. When the King smiles there is life; like a cool rain where freedom in the spirit lifts us to play and dance and love life, and see ourselves as His precious children.

I love this time after deliverance, where the Lord has taken me out of prison a place of oppression and abuse to a place of freedom. A place where I can discover me and a relationship that allows space for me to discover me. In this discovering in all of its pain- pain of staying too long in abuse as though it’s my duty, discovering how much pride exist in that decision. Pain of being free, as I second

guess every step only to have my King smile yet again and that glorious life rushes back in. The absolute beauty in the smile of the King.

I fell asleep in his arms last night while watching TV, with this deep rest over taking my spirit, but my soul protested as agitation refused to let me fully experience rest! I could fell the clinched jaw and that familiar angst preaching disappointment. He soon stirred as it was time to go and knowing I would grapple in my sleep with the nagging voice of “are you sure you can trust yourself?” But His mercies are new each morning and the King smiles, and the rain falls and life blossoms.